Behind the Mask of Shattered

The sketch vs the end result. There weren't many alterations. From my head directly onto canvas. Grab the painting here: https://www.chaosinpaint.shop/product-page/shattered-canvas ❦

My name is Shattered. I was born on November 18, 2023. In Jeddah, in Majd's bedroom.

I have a feeling that 'shattered' was not going to be my name. In my previous life (the sketch) I was merely shapes that I think were more connected to each other. And now, they are not. Or less.

Every shape has its own fence around it, where nothing comes in and nothing goes out.

The green is the only thing semi-open, which honestly makes me uncomfortable. It feels like it wants to take over me, covering everything and leaving nothing behind. The discomfort is reminiscent of a giant pile of pain wanting to bleed into every space. It gives the impression it is merged with the rest, but it is not.

All the blue parts were once a full person, but the pain came and tore this person into pieces.

The only hint of comfort is on the left corner trapped by the green.

The grey feels like very heavy stones trying to fall downwards, instead they are stuck in place. Frozen in time.

I feel like my skin and heart are bleeding openly for everyone to see. Or the stones are cutting them open like knives.

The dark purple with turquoise blue feels like a dream; they are not supposed to be there. A figment of my imagination, I suppose. I am filled with too much hope that I don't know what to do with anymore, so I create fairytales in my head to give my endless hope a purpose.

~ S

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Hi there! Majd speaking. 💛

This painting was a struggle for me to paint, I can't even begin to describe how difficult it was.

I prepped this canvas on November 15 and had completely different plans for the painting. Then November 16 rolled around and changed everything.

I felt like I was being torn apart, slowly, piece by piece. There was absolutely no space in my body, heart, and mind.

I was in so much pain that it felt like it was eating me inside out. I had no words to describe what I was going through so I wanted to paint it all out. In my head, I thought it was going to be the easiest thing ever.

Guess what? I was WRONG. So completely wrong.

I painted each section on the painting individually. For example, the two blue figures at the bottom, I painted them alone. It was like my mind divided them in a way so i could solely focus on each section without thinking of the other.

I never do that. I always painting everything all together. In fact, I keep jumping from place to the other.

So that took so much energy from me that I kept getting exhausted after each section, and I had to have a break.

My emotions were refusing to come and make themselves known. I kept on trying but they were stuck inside.

It was very difficult that I kept wishing it would just finish itself.